we broke up
im moving on
his loss...
dont play with my feelings
and think you'll get away with it

the ex.... =(

everyone has that one that either they cant let go or always stays with you right??? Well i know i do. Im 100% in love with my current boyfriend. Hes a big part of my life. I've finally gotten to the point in my life where im over Paul. i dont think about him, wonder what hes doing, ache to be near him when we hang out.. none of that anymore... and let me tell you.. it was bad.
but im over that.. like i can seriusly hang out with him and JUST think of him as paul my friend... not paul the ex that i never should have let go. He means alot to me in the sense that i only want the best for him and i want him to be as happy as his little hearts desires. And i thought he was getting there... or pretty close anyway. Hes with this girl Katrina.. which is who i blogged about a while ago, and from what i saw or heard they were pretty serious and happy. Well i've been talking to him alot lately, and maybe its just concerns about her moving away for college ( even though shes only going abot 2 hours away) but he seems uncertain about the relationship... and hes been hitting on me alot lately. Its alittle annoying, cuz im done. Im over him. And as much as i know that it still entertains me that he flirts with me. I hate it tho. I really like his girlfriend. She may even be too good for him... but none the less, shes a good person. And obviously i LOVE my boyfriend. i dont know if its me.. but even my moms commented on it. I dunno its super confusing. And like im not blogging because its tempting.. im blogging because its just fustrating. i dont want to insult him and be like back the hell up, cuz hes still me friend. but i dont want him to think its ok... cuz i know its now. Im just alittle stuck. But i know that i'll figure it out... i always do!!!!

the next chapter of life....

ahhhhhh relaxation. it feels good to not have to be up at the crack of dawn every morning. i have seniorites really bad. im just so done with high school. Im pretty sure its because i've already been accepted and ive been getting all the goodies for my dorm next year. for my birthday i got a whole bed set with towels and wash cloths that are pink and brown (pretty i know) and i got a "kitchen survival kit" its comes with a pot, bowls, spoon/knife/fork/, steak knifes, containers, pitcher, salt and pepper shaker and all kinds of other nifty stuff. Then for christmas i got more towels and wash cloths that are pink brown and blue... so thats pretty much my color scheme. I also was told that im getting a mini fridge when i leave... lol exciting.. i know...
so im always like ugh about school

im also just so ready to get out of the house. i love my mom to death. im just ready to be on my own..... and theres no certainty that everything will go according to plan... but i can try my hardest. Im just tired of my house.. my room.. all the STUFF in my room. Im just really in general, ready for a change of venue. Im ready to make new friends...(maybe i'll get lucky and actually find some real ones) Im tired of the fakeness i get from my "so called best friend" but thats a blog for another day..... or maybe just later today...

but yeah anyways.. like im sure i've mentioned.. im super ready for college.

is it weird???

that i could totally see my self being like super good friends with my ex boyfriend turned best buddys girl friend??

i went over to his place tonight cuz he just got settled in and hes come a far way. about a year after we broke up we became really good friends, because we were both each others 1st love. so we were attached.. he was one of those people who i know was put in my life for a reason sorta thing and he got into it alot with his dad... its really a long story, but i was always afraid he fall in the cracks end up in some trouble. hes a good guy but really trusting and people take advantage of him alot.. so i was really happy to see he was out on his own and working and doing SO well.

any who.. i had met her once before.. and im still territorial, because he still means alot to me as a friend.. and so i was all guarded. but so i went to his place to see his new house and i totally didnt know that his girlfriend was going to be there... and she was.. so i was really unprepared.. and taken by surprise.. but like he was showing my mom around his new place (he was my moms favorite bf.. he looks to her like a mom) and me and her sat down and were straight talking and laughing.

shes adorable. i could totally see me and her being friends.. and me and him are at a point where we really only look out for each other. i only want girls who i know are good for him and the same goes vice versa. we know each other through n through and if i was truly concerned.. i would have said something.. but she totally looks out for him and i think they are so great together. lol i can see myself going to chill over there just to hang with her.. lol

i hope she doesn't like read this and be like ok shes odd... lol but it was a really big Revelation to me.. so i figured i'd write it down to remember =)

missing him...

i hate seeing that happy couple walking down the street holding hands merrily making googly eyes.. and not in a way that i wish they werent together, but in a jealous way. he lives 12 hours away. sucks.. but i love this boy with every inch of my hopelessly romantic heart. i do wonder how things will go when i leave for college.. while the distance wont change.. my surroundings will. i dunno i just love him sooo much.. and i hate that i cant kiss my boyfriend or hug him whenever i want.. i hate that im not there to make him soup when hes sick.. i hate that im not there to cuddle up with him and unwide after a long day. i dont know how long a relationship can last like this.. im willing to wait it out and see fer sure... i know with out a doubt that i can live knowing he isnt mine. so giving him up isnt an option what-so-ever. but like.. i need him.. a boyfriend is a shuge part of a support system.. i feel like i have a missing piece.. and its in my eye sight.. i just cant grasp it long enough to put it in place.but i wonder how long until the distance becomes a bigger obstacle... right now were are living our lives, knowing we have each other in our corners.. but when will that stop being enough??

my own company maybe??

so i have always been into photography, i love looking into a scenery and seeing the peace or chaos of it all.. i love looking into someones face and imagining the stories and experiences behind their eyes and smile. Never before have i thought about truly pursuing it. until now... I was asked to do someones head shots.. and sure y not.. i would do them for free and it would be experience for me, and free for this kid. the whole process of assessing different places and ide

as really turned me on the idea of... i could get use to this.. i like it. Well this kid cancelled out on my ass 3 times.. but while we were driving around.. i got some of the best pictures of my life.. the peace and serenity of the black and white omg just blew me away

if i ever were to start my own little business.. i would do an ALL black and white collection of run-down stl areas. yeah pretty exciting..

I'm thinking i would call it "through her eyes photography"..

nifty huh?